The nice thing about the “If Bugs Were People, You’d Be China” joke is that it’s almost infinitely extensible. Really, try it: “If Bugs Were _____, You’d Be _____.”
When the “If Bugs Were” comic ran in the internal newsletter of a large Northwest software company, I used it to incite just such a company-wide contest. Funny how when you open the gates like that, you learn that your readers are actually funnier than you are.
The best lines from that particular contest are included below. (Individuals aren’t credited only because no one gave me explicit permission to expose their names beyond the firewall – but the writers are encouraged to claim credit if they happen to be reading this.)
10) If bugs were coffee, you’d be Starbucks.
9) If bugs were reruns, you’d be “Gilligan’s Island”
8) If bugs were money, you’d be Bill Gates.
7) If bugs were Elvis sightings, you’d be a supermarket tabloid.
6) If bugs were tornadoes, you’d be a trailer park in Kansas.
5) If bugs were cholesterol, you’d be having a heart attack.
4) If bugs were motorcycles, you’d be Sturgis.
3) If bugs were big hair, you’d be Texas.
2) If bugs were compact discs, you’d be AOL.
1) If bugs were snakes, you’d be on a plane.
Try it – it’s fun! Submit your best “If Bugs Were _____, You’d Be _____” line(s) in the comments.
If bugs were real bugs, you’d be in that pit like Indiana Jones.
If Bugs Were Cancelled TV Shows, You’d Be NBC.
If bugs were nerds, you’d be a Star Trek convention.
If bugs were windows, you’d be the millenium edition.
If bugs were security holes, you’d be IE 6.
If bugs were bugs, you’d be the Soviet consulate.
If bugs were insects, you’d be a porch light.
If bugs were bugging you, you’d be in therapy.
If bugs were bugs, you’d be working in Microsoft’s OS division.
If bugs were neutrons, you’d be a black hole.
If bugs were descendants, you’d be Adam.
If bugs were search reqests, you’d be Google(tm).
If bugs were puppies, I’d be killing puppies every day.
If bugs where gone, you would be unemployed
If bugs were grubs, you’d be on Fear Factor.
If bugs were ants, you’d be a picnic.
If bugs were germs, you’d be quarantined.
If bugs were rocketships, you’d be lost in space.
If bugs were rock stars, you’d be the Rock ‘n Roll Hall of Fame.
if bugs were Laden, you’d be Bush.
If bugs were posts, you’d be a blog.
If bugs were doping, you’d be the Tour de France.
FWIW, the construct you’re playing with has recently been termed a snowclone.
If bugs were retractions, you’d be Wikipedia.
If bugs were features, you’d have a kitchen sink
If bugs were STD’s, you’d be on Flavor of Love.
If bugs were felonies, you’d be the Bush administration.
If bugs were dead people, you’d be Oscar the Killer Cat.
If bugs were brain cells, you’d be Albert Einstein.
If bugs were lesbians, you’d be Howard Stern.
If bugs were hemorrhoids, you’d be the worlds biggest *hole.
If bugs were yo’ sister, she’d be fat as yo’ mamma.
If bugs were sexy, you’d be loving it
if bugs were beautiful you’d be more creative handling it
if bugs were bunny, you’d be challenging mangga
if bugs were corleone, you’d be promising your brains or your signature
if bugs were something, you’d be something too….
If bugs were donuts, you’d be Krispy Kreme.
If bugs were flies, you’d be shit.
If bugs were trees, you’d be forest.
If bugs were grains of sand, you’d be Sahara.
If bugs were pirates, you’d be Iowa.
If bugs were aliens, you’d be in War of the Worlds.
If bugs were blondes, you’d be Hugh Hefner.
If bugs were here, you’d be function bigFoot.kill(_BUG);
If bugs were snow, you’d be Siberia
If bugs were sand, you’d be the Sahara
If bugs were cheap, you’d be Walmart
If bugs were us, you’d be living in Microsoft Windows
If bugs were non-existent, you’d be happy; but I would be without employment…
If bugs were pages, you’d be War and Peace
If bugs were unstable, you’d be war and peace
If you were the Bush administration, you’d be war with no sign of peace.
If bugs were steroids, you’d be major league sports.
If bugs were geeks, you’d be World of Warcraft
If bugs were unserved jailtime, you’d be Hollywood
if bugs were VMs, you’d be data center.
If bugs were overused words, you’d be a politician.
if bugs were… … bugs you’d be microsoft
if bugs were walls you’d have newyork city
if bugs were comercials youd never see a movie
if bugs were drugs you would have O.D.
if bugs were cleaners youd be squeeky clean
if bugs were kids you’d never feel lonly
if bugs were drunks you’d always be pretty
if bugs were Oo you’d be @@
i got one!
if bugs were Angelina Jolie you’d be dating a fly
Bug Bash is a comic strip written and illustrated by Hans Bjordahl. Bug Bash is a comic strip about technology: managing technology, the business of technology. It's about project management and managing projects through the dull world of Rational Rose, use cases, and requirements. Functional requirements, user requirement, functional specifications, design specifications, call it what you want but it's still the bane of project managers. And when you're done with that, you can think about all the fun that comes with timelines, scheduling, estimates (PERT estimation anyone?) and resourcing until Gantt charts are coming out of your ears. Let's not forget the risk management in the software engineering life cycle. Maintaining the project is just as much fun, managing what was initially set out in requirements and trying to keep feature creep / scope creep in check with change management. If any of these words send nightmares to you, the project manager, then this site probably rings true with you. (Who Links Here?)