If Bugs Were _____, You’d Be _____

July 23rd, 2007 by Hans Bjordahl :: see related comic

The nice thing about the “If Bugs Were People, You’d Be China” joke is that it’s almost infinitely extensible. Really, try it: “If Bugs Were _____, You’d Be _____.”

When the “If Bugs Were” comic ran in the internal newsletter of a large Northwest software company, I used it to incite just such a company-wide contest. Funny how when you open the gates like that, you learn that your readers are actually funnier than you are.

The best lines from that particular contest are included below. (Individuals aren’t credited only because no one gave me explicit permission to expose their names beyond the firewall – but the writers are encouraged to claim credit if they happen to be reading this.)

10) If bugs were coffee, you’d be Starbucks.

9) If bugs were reruns, you’d be “Gilligan’s Island”

8) If bugs were money, you’d be Bill Gates.

7) If bugs were Elvis sightings, you’d be a supermarket tabloid.

6) If bugs were tornadoes, you’d be a trailer park in Kansas.

5) If bugs were cholesterol, you’d be having a heart attack.

4) If bugs were motorcycles, you’d be Sturgis.

3) If bugs were big hair, you’d be Texas.

2) If bugs were compact discs, you’d be AOL.

1) If bugs were snakes, you’d be on a plane.

Try it – it’s fun! Submit your best “If Bugs Were _____, You’d Be _____” line(s) in the comments.

41 Responses to “If Bugs Were _____, You’d Be _____”
KristofU wrote:

If bugs were real bugs, you’d be in that pit like Indiana Jones.

Colin wrote:

If Bugs Were Cancelled TV Shows, You’d Be NBC.

Patrick wrote:

If bugs were nerds, you’d be a Star Trek convention.

mikej wrote:

If bugs were windows, you’d be the millenium edition.

If bugs were security holes, you’d be IE 6.

Brian Rodewald wrote:

If bugs were bugs, you’d be the Soviet consulate.
If bugs were insects, you’d be a porch light.
If bugs were bugging you, you’d be in therapy.
If bugs were bugs, you’d be working in Microsoft’s OS division.

Chris wrote:

If bugs were neutrons, you’d be a black hole.
If bugs were descendants, you’d be Adam.
If bugs were search reqests, you’d be Google(tm).

Liam wrote:

If bugs were puppies, I’d be killing puppies every day.

maxm wrote:

If bugs where gone, you would be unemployed

Bugger wrote:

If bugs were grubs, you’d be on Fear Factor.
If bugs were ants, you’d be a picnic.

Rose wrote:

If bugs were germs, you’d be quarantined.

If bugs were rocketships, you’d be lost in space.

If bugs were rock stars, you’d be the Rock ‘n Roll Hall of Fame.

Eros wrote:

if bugs were Laden, you’d be Bush.

Leo wrote:

If bugs were posts, you’d be a blog.

Christof wrote:

If bugs were doping, you’d be the Tour de France.

Nathan B. wrote:

FWIW, the construct you’re playing with has recently been termed a snowclone.

If bugs were retractions, you’d be Wikipedia.

Somebody wrote:

If bugs were features, you’d have a kitchen sink

Tom H. wrote:

If bugs were STD’s, you’d be on Flavor of Love.

the bun wrote:

If bugs were felonies, you’d be the Bush administration.

If bugs were dead people, you’d be Oscar the Killer Cat.

Hans wrote:

I think that “Flavor of Love” one takes the cake. Nice one!

Frank wrote:

If bugs were brain cells, you’d be Albert Einstein.

If bugs were lesbians, you’d be Howard Stern.

DanB wrote:

If bugs were hemorrhoids, you’d be the worlds biggest *hole.

Gavin wrote:

If bugs were yo’ sister, she’d be fat as yo’ mamma.

fayzal wrote:

If bugs were sexy, you’d be loving it
if bugs were beautiful you’d be more creative handling it
if bugs were bunny, you’d be challenging mangga
if bugs were corleone, you’d be promising your brains or your signature ;)

hohoman wrote:

if bugs were something, you’d be something too….

Pinky wrote:

If bugs were donuts, you’d be Krispy Kreme.

Tom wrote:

If bugs were flies, you’d be shit.

Fane wrote:

If bugs were trees, you’d be forest.
If bugs were grains of sand, you’d be Sahara.

Brandy wrote:

If bugs were pirates, you’d be Iowa.

Mike wrote:

If bugs were aliens, you’d be in War of the Worlds.

wolfy wrote:

If bugs were blondes, you’d be Hugh Hefner.

Ricardo wrote:

If bugs were here, you’d be function bigFoot.kill(_BUG);

Merlyn wrote:

If bugs were snow, you’d be Siberia
If bugs were sand, you’d be the Sahara
If bugs were cheap, you’d be Walmart

John wrote:

If bugs were us, you’d be living in Microsoft Windows :)

Juggler wrote:

If bugs were non-existent, you’d be happy; but I would be without employment…

Warden wrote:

If bugs were pages, you’d be War and Peace
If bugs were unstable, you’d be war and peace
If you were the Bush administration, you’d be war with no sign of peace.
If bugs were steroids, you’d be major league sports.
If bugs were geeks, you’d be World of Warcraft
If bugs were unserved jailtime, you’d be Hollywood

something wrote:

if bugs were VMs, you’d be data center.

James Bach wrote:

if bugs were ___ you’d be UNINITIALIZED SCALAR ERROR

THATguy wrote:

If bugs were overused words, you’d be a politician.

Someone wrote:

if bugs were… … bugs you’d be microsoft


if bugs were walls you’d have newyork city
if bugs were comercials youd never see a movie
if bugs were drugs you would have O.D.
if bugs were cleaners youd be squeeky clean
if bugs were kids you’d never feel lonly
if bugs were drunks you’d always be pretty

Pipe wrote:

if bugs were Oo you’d be @@

idk xD

Pipe wrote:

i got one!

if bugs were Angelina Jolie you’d be dating a fly

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Bug Bash is a comic strip written and illustrated by Hans Bjordahl. Bug Bash is a comic strip about technology: managing technology, the business of technology. It's about project management and managing projects through the dull world of Rational Rose, use cases, and requirements. Functional requirements, user requirement, functional specifications, design specifications, call it what you want but it's still the bane of project managers. And when you're done with that, you can think about all the fun that comes with timelines, scheduling, estimates (PERT estimation anyone?) and resourcing until Gantt charts are coming out of your ears. Let's not forget the risk management in the software engineering life cycle. Maintaining the project is just as much fun, managing what was initially set out in requirements and trying to keep feature creep / scope creep in check with change management. If any of these words send nightmares to you, the project manager, then this site probably rings true with you. (Who Links Here?)